Overcoming Insecurities with the help of loved ones

This is a continuation from Part 1 – Overcoming Insecurities: 3 Things I Hated About Myself

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As I started learning to slowly let things go, it also got easier after I dated my boyfriend for a while.

At this point, you’d either be wondering “What? Why?” or possibly understanding what I meant when I said that. If you were the former, let me begin to give you some background story. Haha.

When I met my boyfriend, it was in a working environment where he had to sit at the same desk with me due to 2 main reasons:

1. I was leaving in a few weeks and he was going to fill in for me after I leave.
2. I had to teach him what I have been doing for more than half a year in that few weeks.

Just to be clear, we were both working as a temporary staff.

I just happened to take a gap year before starting university and I got a job there (also to see if I really wanted this industry).

He, on the other hand, just came out of the (mandatory National Service in Singapore) army and was looking for a short stint before his university started.

So technically, both of us were starting university in the same year (in different schools, sadly) except I started a little earlier due to some circumstances.

Gradually, we found out that we could click really well because we were talking non-stop even though our managers were right around us. ????

Eventually, we got together after 1.5 months of talking. (yes, we kept in touch even after I left)

Now comes the main reason for the little story above:

When you have someone constantly complimenting and giving positive comments whenever you’re insecure, it becomes of great help.

Especially when you have low self-esteem. I was constantly questioned on my pimples and reddish cheeks.

But my insecurity didn’t disappear overnight obviously as I was still very conscious of myself in front of my boyfriend. I was using a cushion foundation at that time (when it was all the rage, though it kind of still is now), if I remember correctly, the Laneige Pore Cushion Foundation.

I did not have much breakouts at the start when I met him due to me having gone through one cycle of Roaccutane. PS: Roaccutane here in Singapore is also accutane.

Related post: Accutane Journey & Tips: 5 years later

My pimples drastically got better thanks to it, I was producing lesser oil throughout the day. I loved my skin. I never thought I would ever say that then because I was scarred from how awful my skin looked before I took the Roaccutane pills. But I became more confident of myself due to how I looked physically, which also helped to bring out my personality more fearlessly.

I was confident of myself…

All the way…

Until the Roaccutane effects wore off and I was beginning to get small pimples again. Not to say that Roaccutane didn’t help at all. It did. But the dermatologist I went to did explain to me that pimples will come back, only less severe than what I had before.

Being so conscious of my face, I’d always retouch my makeup with the cushion foundation whenever I visited the washroom.

I do not retouch my makeup now as I feel there isn’t any need to so long as I was confident of myself.

Sure, my makeup melted throughout the day but I was not as insecure of the ‘flaws’ I had showing.

However, I remember feeling embarrassed in front of my boyfriend when he first saw my bare face on a day that I was feeling sick (thus, no makeup).

Furthermore, if you already read Part 1, my face gets flushed really easily due to the heat over here in Singapore, which doesn’t make it any better.

It took me months to be comfortable in my own natural skin

It definitely took me quite a while to get used to not wearing makeup around him.

Even then, he was really encouraging. Whenever he told me that I looked more beautiful without makeup, I melt a little each time. Yet, I also doubted him. Haha girls and their mind.

He had to assure me time and time again that he really meant it. I could tell in his eyes that it was indeed true.

By the way…

Do not date a guy who prefers you with makeup.

Date a man who will love you beyond the makeup you have on your face.

In the end, if you both decide to marry or live together, you will wake up to each other’s bare face every morning.

If you’re in the LGBTQ+, it applies the same. Find the person who loves you for who you really are.

As cliche as it sounds, it is extremely important. Or only so for me. It may be hard to find someone like that, but please do not give up. Your future self will reward you with a better self.

Anyway, back to the topic.

After what I’ve been through emotionally and physically…

These ‘flaws’ are what made me who I am today. Being in a first person ‘acne-sufferer’, I managed to look at people more empathetically and understand it when people don’t dare to look at me in the eyes when their huge pimple is showing.

I know it all fully too well. I’ve been there.

People have scrutinised the pimples I’ve had, whether they were big or small.

Sometimes I know that they don’t mean it but as I became more sensitive to stares from friends and strangers, when they narrowed their eyes to the red patches on my face, I knew what they were looking at.

Hey, not just from friends, even my family and relatives have pointed it out. To which I think to myself, ‘if it was so obvious to them, what makes them think that it was never obvious to me?’.

But I learnt not to care about them altogether. ‘Cause really, you come to this world to live for yourself, not anyone else.

Once in awhile, my relative would also mention about how round my face is. (I have a round shaped face)

Okay, it’s no secret to them that my face is slightly round but my relative went on to mention about how chubby I got. In Asian countries, that may seem like no big deal.

Like how in Korea, people even start their greeting with ‘Oh, you’ve gained weight / you’ve lost some weight.’ (살이 쪘네요? / 살이 좀 빠진 것 같은데요.)

But times have got to change. Not everyone can face it so casually (like me now), especially in their puberty. We cannot help it sometimes that we look more bloated, or are born this way.

The way these things are spoken so casually are the reason why some people resort to vigorous diets or one-meal diets that are so unhealthy. I really hope opinions of one another can be carefully thought before throwing them out, no matter how close you may be to that certain someone.

And I would like to end this post for now.

I hope I actually did help you out here though. To feel even more confident of yourself. If I did, let me know! Don’t be afraid to share your experiences down below as well.

What are some things you never liked people mentioning?

How do you react when they bring it up?

With ????,

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